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I need one more chance

Have you ever been in a situation where in all you wanted to do is to go back. Turn around and run as fast as you could as long as you still have the time to and catch up with that moment. A very special moment. The time you needed to make a decision, standing in a cross-road. And needless to say, you walked the wrong way.

Well, not really a wrong way I can call it. Just a little bit not where I want to go. I watched this film, which was released years ago.I don’t have any fascination with my native films so, I didn’t mind watching. Until my boyfriend bugged me for almost more than ten times, to be super hyperbole about it, to watch. And so, as we have some misagreements a while ago, I took the opportunity to watch.

Surprising enough, I related to the story. I need a one more chance. Not with my boyfriend but with my “pretty-perfect-but-not-quiet” life. And my alter ego is trying to tell me to change the “pretty” to “seems”. Well, “seems” might really be appropriate.

Basha (the girl in the movie) broke up with her boy to find her self, which she believed she had lost while loving him too much. And when she finally had found her self–achieve her dream and be a completely different person she wanted, she asked for another chance with Popoy (the boyfriend). Pretty much, there is too much drama as He has a new girl, bla bla but at the end, Basha got the one more chance she asked.

Anyway.. why am I telling you this? As I said, i can relate to Basha right now. I want to find my self. I felt like I lost all the dreams and ambition as I tried seeking to love what I am doing. And now, I want to go back, to that cross road and choose a different path. I want a one more chance with my life and find myself in the process. Or vise versa.

Lemme share something. And I know this is completely obvious. I once had a dream. To write that is, to travel while writing and take some pictures, fill my blog with colorful new things. I dreamed to write a book. A novel of my own, with my name curved at the bottom page. I dream all these things.

Now, I am yes happy with what is going on, but I miss what I always have wanted. I missed writing, I missed drawing, travelling a little. I miss… myself.

I know deep inside this person who is typing, lies the old her–excited, hungry for adventures and enthusiastic. That is still me but something is just missing. And I want to know.

Someday, no, rather one day, I’ll be as brave as Basha. To change her life upside down and to stand on her own. To pursue a journey of her dreams. Except breaking with my boyfriend, of course. Hahaha. but when have the enough courage and confirmations, I’ll spread my wings and fly. away to my dreamland. 

 

PS: Yesterday was my birthday. I just turned twenty one. 🙂

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