Suicide. I never thought this word will be something personal to me. It never occurred to me that someone close to my heart will do it. It never crossed my mind that maybe someone in my family is capable of it. Until it happened.
I won’t be getting into details about it but this morning, while talking to my officemates about what I’ve learned from that experience, someone said something that made a lot of sense about it.
We are all looking in this world for love. For belongingness, for care, for someone who will love us completely and undeniably. That’s also why blockbuster films always have this cheesy love story plots, why songs are about love and break-up and hooking up. The reason why we all look for Mr. Right. Why there are dating sites, wives for sale online. We are looking for someone who will love us and will never leave us. That’s why common causes of suicide are neglect, depression, family issues, abandonment that all leads to hopelessness.
My encounter with it though someone is not an exception. We all concluded that he felt ignored and especially, unloved. Because like everyone else, he has a hole in his heart trying to be filled with love and care. The moment he don’t saw it, he felt abandoned and alone. And no one wants to ever feel that way.
My officemate cried and told me she was heartbroken of the story I told them. She said if only everyone knows in the world the greatest love of God to them, they will never feel the need to look for love in this dark, cold world we have. And that made me cry.
We are looking for love because God created us for him to love us. We are looking for that perfect, unconditional love that will never leave us even how terrible we are. To tell you, we will never have that love. Not through fraternities, not through friends, nor boyfriends/girlfriends. Not within our family. We will try to find it, search for it but we will end up exhausted and defeated and hopeless.
That perfect love we can only have through God. His perfect love, unconditional and that love no one can fathom or compare to. So, to you who are reading this, God loves you. He loves you in spite of your dark pasts; He loves you even if you have given up on Him, Even how many times you have failed, even if sometimes you feel like you can’t stand in a deep sea of sin, God loves you. And that’s just the truth that breaks my heart when I remember. Because I have never told my cousin that, it never reached him until his last breath.