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If I stayed (26/30)

Day 26: The What Ifs

What if I stayed in the Philippines? What if I didn’t leave? What if I didn’t decide to move? What would my life be like?

I surely won’t be a teacher. This profession never crossed my mind after graduation. Besides, I would never leave my job before I left. It wasn’t high paying, it wasn’t the ideal job but I was settled there. I felt comfortable and at ease. Although, hearing now from the news, my boss quit the company, my friends did, too. So… who knows what if I stayed?

I may be still with my ex, or maybe not. Things were going downhill for us then.

I surely won’t be anywhere for traveling for me was a luxury then. I was earning the minimum wage. I would never afford to travel for sure.

Definitely, I would still be lost on who I am, who I want to be and where I would root myself. I would still be caged in the small town of Los Banos, oblivious that there is a big world out of my comfort zone.

What if I didn’t take the challenge to have an LDR? Will I find someone as great as him? Will I be with a Japanese guy? I don’t actually know.

What if I wasn’t brave enough to go to the other side of the world for him? Will I wallow in my regret that I didn’t do one of the things that changed my perspective? Maybe I will always be just the safe Yuki and never risk anything.

What Ifs always connote regret but to me, it says I’m glad I did what I did in the last 3 years. I’m glad I left, I’m glad I changed career and I’m glad I was brave enough to jump in a different kind of relationship because what if I didn’t?

I surely won’t be this happy.

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