The painful world of Adults // Satire
(For ordinary people because let’s face the truth: the rich people have it easy.)
Welcome to the excruciating world of Adults! Now, sit on the burning chair as you experience the painful life without any break, sit back and relax… if you can.
This is a world that will consume and drain you and yet you can’t die because… well, it’s costly. Unless you have life insurance—a thing you pay for half of your life to prepare you for your death. Sweet!
In this world you have to work hard so the government can profit from you and tax you big, so you can afford your health insurance and of course, your death insurance. You have to work to pay for your bills and save nothing—because you don’t deserve savings. You might own a car through a loan; a debt. But, the best part is… it has taxes too! Insurances, registration and renewal yearly, maintenance and expensive petrol gas! Enjoy!
Also take pleasure in your idle days watching the Kardashians do nothing but have everything you had dreamt of. See Kylie Jenner at 19, owning a Lamborghini, a make-up line and money you’ll never ever experience even if you work twice of your life time. Hear stories of people who pretended to be Syrian refugees get free visa in Germany and money monthly from the government. Those who stay at their house and take the siestas you will never achieve in your life. Enjoy the tragedy of being a decent person who pays taxes so these people can never work and always ask for help—a life of a normal person in a cruel world.
Now, if you’re lucky, you might want to get married at some point. No problem! A wedding will only cost you and your partner’s entire life savings! And if you’re even luckier, you’ll have a string of debt with you! Also featuring some wedding jitters, guests who will mock your wedding dress and the taste of the food and relatives who will never be pleased all together!
As it is essential, you’ll also get your OWN house. YOUR. OWN. HOUSE. How great it that? A small amount of money you only have to pay… let’s say… 25 or if you’re lucky, 30 years! In short, all you have to do is to take gravel, shove some dust and bury yourself with debt! All the more reason to do the job you never liked almost killed you with stress because a miss in pay means your house will be gone.
Hold on to your burning seat because this is the best part of this deal!
At the right time, you will have the greatest joy in life—a child. This time you have to collect some dried twigs, put on some gas and lit a bon fire… where you will burn all your money. A fire so big that will never be burned out for you constantly need to feed it with your bills! Exciting, huh? From the day you conceive you’ll have financial strain until let’s say… FOREVER. Giving birth, diapers, milk, clothes, essentials plus you can’t work to take care of the baby! Fun! Your body will change as well—there will be stretch marks, some things will sag and round blacks around your eyes. See your life turn into ashes as your body deteriorates. It’s such a beautiful thing!
Not to mention, the child needs to go to school for 12 years elementary and HS and another 4 for University!
So much fun, right? And when you’re old, you sit on the porch looking at your grandkids, holding the hand of your 4th husband saying, “We had a good life… now let our kids pay our remaining debts.”
However, you will not die right then and there because you already did. You have died inside while doing the work you hated to pay for your life. You have died inside struggling to get up every day to just get by. You have died inside because this is adulthood for ordinary people.
Rich just get richer. Poor people just get poorer and get helped by the government but those in the middle—who pays taxes, live a decent life—we just get by.
This is adulthood. Accept it or not.